I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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