Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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