He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
only you would photoshop your dick
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
