come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
