if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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