So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
