i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
