So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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