How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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