There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
