Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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