I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
