my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
