I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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