I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
