You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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