Your mouth is God's brothel.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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