Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize