How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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