God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
