I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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