So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
