I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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