just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
