I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
