I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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