There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
