party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
