I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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