I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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