We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
