i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
