Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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