i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
