All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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