No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
