you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
