this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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