i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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