this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
