wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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