He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
