This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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