The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
