all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you mean i was at the winter classic?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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