do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize