I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
