Someone shit on the floor
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am mentally ready for anal.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
