you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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