I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
