I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
