so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
