I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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