This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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