he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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