i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
