My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
