all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize