She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
