I want to walk on stilts...naked
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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