Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
