You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
