she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
