He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
