i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize