you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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