low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
