This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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