My cat gives me a boner
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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