we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
