Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
