You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
