Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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