lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
