I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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