1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
