It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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