He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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