I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
