u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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