I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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