Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize