I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
