What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
