I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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