I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
