Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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