I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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