theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
