I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
