Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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