It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
