Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The best revenge is premature balding
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
