What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
