Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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