Sober January is a disaster.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
