the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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