I accidentally had phone sex last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
