he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
