Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
