Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
