if i can run in heels then i can drive
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
