don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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