why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
