Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
