how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
