i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
porn star boner night. come get it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
